~ The Life And Times From The Inner Spirit Of ................................. "Rolling Thunder"

~ Loneliness & Void ~
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Loneliness & Void

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Grandfather once again I am coming to you, once again back in the forest, in the mountains. Where are all of my people? I have seen a few but I have not seen the bear, I have not seen the panther, I have not seen the raccoon. I have not seen eagle, I have not seen but very few of the other creatures of the forest, my brothers and sisters. I am thankful Grandfather, Great Spirit that you have brought me home and placed me beside the waters. The waters that flow down the mountainside, along side this beautiful stream with all the waterfalls and cascades and the beautiful still pools. It is early morning again and I have come to talk with you, coming to be with you and the Council. I am not on my knees because my knees have gotten old and when I bend them and when I put weight on them I have much pain, I have much pain in my hands, in my spine. I have pain in my heart Grandfather again as I did many years ago but it is not pain out of confusion, it is not pain out of relocation but it is again the pain of loneliness. I have a void in my life Grandfather, I do not believe that even a Spirit such as I was put upon this Earth to travel alone, to exist alone. I long in my heart Grandfather for someone to lie down beside at night, to wake up beside me when the sun rises. I long Grandfather for someone to share my days with, to share the beauty of your lovely forest and the beautiful mountains with, to share walks along the paths that the animal creatures make in their quest for food and companionship. I long for someone to share all this beauty with. I am not particularly lonely, I am not at all unhappy, I am content and satisfied with the place that you have provided for me Grandfather, you provided me with a beautiful war pony, my bones, my feathers, my beads are with me.

During the daylight hours there are other humans around that I can share time with. Grandfather the nights are void, the nights are long, seems to be a very long space between darkness and the light of day. Seems like all of my life Grandfather that I have been void of someone to be close with. Yes Grandfather, I have had periodic times of happiness and pleasure, times without a void in my heart. I have had companions with which to share the happiness and the sadness, the laughing, the weeping, the good times, the bad times. Intermittently I have had someone in my life with which to share the hours of the day, the changing of the moons, as now at this very night the moon is full, the old man that lives on the moon is smiling upon Turtle Island, the place where our Earthly abode resides, our bodies. My Spirit floats and wonders, not only wonders but wanders. I have no tears Grandfather, even the skies have no tears, there is no violent winds, the skies are not cloaked as they were many seasons ago, many years ago when you placed me into the mountains and into the forest and the day creatures have all but disappeared. The nocturnal creatures seem to be no more, not even their footprints in the sand of time where they have come past my abode, not even their voices in the night.

It is not just me but I have talked to other humans and they say that the world is void of the creatures of the forest, it is just not I, TaLi, TaLi UGiDaTli, Two Feathers. It is just not I that do not see my brothers and sisters, there are but few birds and none of the great ones, none of the large creatures, maybe a small chipmunk, ground squirrel, maybe a jay or a blackbird but none of the ones that I used to live with. My life is not only void without them Grandfather but it is void of companionship. I do not feel unworthy, I do not feel neglected, I do not feel empty but I do feel a void. A void of someone to live with. I do not know if I was meant just to drift and be a Spirit in limbo. Maybe I need to get out more, get out among the humans more but I do not know if I would even know if the right one came along. I am an old warrior Grandfather, I have had many trials and tribulations and tests in my long life that you have given to me and I thank thee and those of the Council. I thank thee Grandfather, Great Spirit, the Holy Men, the Medicine Men, the Great Warriors and those of our peoples that now reside in the Heavenly Lodge, the Heavenly Village and sit with those in Council, all have been good to me.

I would like to see the bear, I would like to see the wolf, the panther, the eagle. There are even few fish in the waters. Have you taken all of these animal people to be with you so that the human people will not persecute them and be unkind to them and take their eggs and their pelts, to destroy their dens, their lairs, their nests. I wonder, my mind wonders what has happened, I do not sit or lie or walk and weep. I am not sad but I wonder, wonder why I had no companion. I wonder where all my animal brothers and sisters have disappeared to in the light of day, in the darkness of night whether it be the bright sun or the full moon, whether it be in falling snow or during the darkness of the night. Where have all of my people gone, Grandfather? Not only is my life, my heart void and vacant but it seems as if the forest and the mountains and the waters are vacant. I see not the creatures in pairs or in groups but mostly alone. Grandfather I do not know and I do not have an answer but it is confusing not knowing, it is like something has come into the forest and frightened all of my animal people, my brothers, my sisters of the forest and the mountains, frightened them away or taken them away, not only the forest creatures but I, TaLi. I have the companionship between sunrise and sunset of the physical nature but not of the spiritual nature, no vibrations, no love, no affection. I awake, I clean my body, I put on my beads, my bones and I walk among the humans only to accomplish my chores and then when the sun goes down and it starts to darken, the evening of night, I come into my comfy abode which is not without total comfort.

I enjoy the place which you have provided, it is beautiful, it is complete. I want for nothing, I need for nothing except for someone to share my life with. I listen to the flute, I do not hear weeping but yet I do not hear happiness. I do not hear the crying of the flute nor the laughter Grandfather, what do I hear. The flute is void, there is vibration from the flute, there is not the warmth even the flute sounds lonely although it does not weep, it is void of companionship maybe this is the way my existence is meant to be. The sound of the flute going through the air maybe just to be with others maybe to give some comfort to others but have no comfort itself, I know not. There has got to be an answer to the questions of the mind, there has to be an answer to the questions of the heart, of the Spirit. Thank you Grandfather for returning me to my home in the forest and the mountains.

Be with the animal creatures wherever they are, be with me Grandfather. I pray to thee and those of the Council, be with me in my older years, be with this Old Warrior until the count down when you need me or want me and have use for me in the Council.

Call me up, I am ready, I am at peace with you Grandfather.