~ The Life And Times From The Inner Spirit Of ................................. "Rolling Thunder"

~ My Prayer To Grandfather ~
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The Prayer

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Great One, Grandfather, YiHoWaAh I have wronged thee. Years ago many, many, many years ago you placed me into the forest, you have placed me into the mountains, you placed me with my brothers and sisters of the forest. The deer, the wolves, the birds, the squirrel, the night creatures, the day creatures, the mountains of everlasting granite and marble. The seasons, the multicolored leaves, the seasonal leaves of red and orange and brown, the water running down the river to the ocean. I asked you for a home, we had trials, we had tests, we had tribulations. I was thankful, I remember you held my hand, you embraced me, you gave me the warmth of your soul, you gave me strength, you gave me yourself. I was blind you helped me to see, I was lost you found me, you gave me a place in the mountains and the forest and I wronged you. I came back to the savage world, the world of corruption. I came down from the mountains, came out of the forest and left my brothers and sisters in their dens, in their lairs, in their nests. I left them in their homes without my company. I came down because I thought I was lonely and to be in the civilized world which I have found to be the world of savagery and cannibalism. I thought I would find happiness. I have been in this valley for many moons now, I have yet to find the happiness of my life's search. My body longs for the fresh air, my mind thirsts for the sunlight, my soul, my spirit is lost without your guidance and then I come and pray to you again on bended knees to provide me a place to lay down to rest my bones which are older but not wiser than when I first came to you.

I ask you for another place, I feel that being total selfish, total selfishness. I feel my heart is being torn from its body and should be placed high on the top of a mountain for the eagles to pluck and take to their children but then and again I think my heart is soiled, my heart is spoiled. My heart seems to be of ill meat as I did not follow you. I feel unworthy to ask you again for a place in the forest with my brothers and sisters, the deer, the wolf, the bird, the panther, the skunk, the fish, the alligator, in the waters, in the trees, on the land. I did you wrong Grandfather, I did you wrong.

YiHoWaAh, I did you wrong Great Spirit, the Holy Men, the Medicine Men, the Great Warriors who have gone before me that reside in your lodge, the Heavenly Lodge that sit in the Heavenly Council. Thee and Those provided me at one time the place of which I longed, the place of which I prayed for high on the ridge overlooking the river looking up to the mountains, looking into the trees, waking up to see where the nocturnal creatures had come past my house to say hello, to say welcome Tali, Tali Ugidati, Tali Ugidati(Two Feathers).

You gave me that name, you gave me that name as I spiritually felt I gave something to you and to those that sit with you on the Heavenly Council maybe that was my purpose for coming out of the mountains. Grandfather I am confused, I am confused did I do you wrong. I am lonely for my brothers and sisters of the forest and of the mountains and of the waters. Was my place to be down here to meet wonderful people of my color and of my blood and of my beliefs, to meet these people to bring forth the individual Little Dove, out of confusion and into the inner circle. Was I brought to the valley to bring White Feather into the inner circle. A human not of the blood but of the spirit. Do I have tasks to perform here in the valley. Grandfather I long, long for my place again in the forest. YiHoWaAh, I feel I am locked away in a zoo, I feel I am behind bars, behind a fence, behind a wall. I feel I am no longer free Grandfather. I feel I am in limbo, my spirit, my soul, my heart, my mind. I know not where my body is only a reflection of what appears to be my body in the mirror when I comb my hair, when I put on my headband, when I put on my beads, my feathers, my bones, when I look at myself and I say who are you Indian, who are you. Where are you and I say to that reflection I don't know, I do not know my purpose anymore. Show me Grandfather, show me Great Spirit, I come to thee on bended knees, I come to you and the Heavenly Council to again relieve me of my pain, my feeling of unworthiness. My feeling of a lost soul in the desert with all grains of sand appearing identical, all footsteps never to be seen again because the four winds have blown them in all directions of the compass. I know not which way to go Grandfather. I long for my cabin, I even long for the cold, I even long for the sweaty walls, the water running down the windows of my tiny abode, I even long for the physical loneliness, the mental loneliness. Yes Grandfather, yes YiHoWaAh, yes Great Spirit, I say yes to you Holy Men, Medicine Men, Great Warriors who sit in the Heavenly Lodge and Council who have gone before me of whom which some day I wish to sit.

I come to you once again on bended knees praying, begging for your continued guidance once again to show me my place on this Earth, of the world of which my body was placed to endure an existence until my body has no more worth and until you have need or until you have use of my soul and spirit. I long for some kind of satisfaction at least of the mind as I have said many times Grandfather, all that holds me, all that keeps me from being a fallen broken mass of matter is my spirit, my soul, my knowledge that you and the Council are there for me to talk with. I feel sometimes unworthy even to come to you in song or in speech. Show me Grandfather, show me Great One, Great Spirit, YiHoWaAh, show me if I have disappointed you. If I have let you down or did I not leave the home you had provided for me in the forest with my family the creatures of the forest. Did I leave up there to come to this area of savagery and unhappiness, wildness as some people call my people in the forest. Was I brought down to the valley for a reason, YiHoWaAh, Great Spirit, Grandfather, members of the Council, give me a sign I pray to thee and those on bended knees. I pray for a sign, I pray for peace of mind, I pray that my Spirit has not been lost in this civilized world of humans. I am not of this world, I am not of this civilization. If it is to do a job, in fact if it is for a purpose Grandfather that I was sent here I would accept that as it would have been your desire that I come down and that I do these things and meet with these people, that I do what I can for these people. I know that I am not the best example to be sent forth for these savage people but in my heart, in my soul, in my spirit, I feel that I am better than nothing, I am better than what they had.

I am Indian, my blood is Indian, my soul, my heart, my body. Whatever I can do for non-Indian people to help them in this savage world, whatever I can do to help them survive and not be cannibalistic and eat one another as long as I know it is with your blessing and the blessings of the Heavenly Council. I would be at peace if it is for you Grandfather, if it is for you Great One, YiHoWaAh,if it is for thee and those of the Council. I will remain here in the valley forever. Yes, I prefer the forest and the mountains with my friends, my brothers and my sisters. If that is your decision Grandfather, show me some way, give me a sign Grandfather. I am on my knees to you and those of the Council, I am pleading Grandfather, Great Spirit, YiHoWaAh, I ask only for one of two things. I beg and pray for only one of two things, show me why I am here or take me back to my forest, let me go back to my forest and be with my true people, the people who walk beside me silently the animal people, my people, your people. To have purpose here in the valley with the humans, I will stay as you are wishing, if it is your desire I will stay here as a disciple. I will pray for and with these human people if it is your desire, if that is what my value is here on earth, if that is to be my job as I have always prayed and asked only one thing, only one thing of you Grandfather, only one thing of you YiHoWaAh, and the Council, what is best for your decision. I only beg and pray that your decision be swift and that you have time to listen to me and I am worthy of your ears, that I am worthy of a sign and that I am not beneath recognition for in my mind failing you after you had given me my home,(EMeNu)amen.

I am Tali UGiDaTli with my prayer December 9,1994.

This is my prayer for guidance, this is my prayer to the Great Spirit and the Heavenly Council for guidance, this is my prayer for a sign of my worthiness, this is my prayer for a sign of my worth, my value, my purpose in life, my purpose here in the valley, this is my prayer.